I used to give myself ‘eating rules’ – ‘Only fruit for lunch!’ ‘One sweet thing per day!’ ‘…and not before 4 o’clock!’ Both bulimia and anorexia played their parts.
I saw a doctor, an unforgettable experience. “How much are you eating? How often are you eating? Do you take sugar in your coffee?”
“No,” I said
“Well you must start. Take 2, 3, 4, 5 spoons!”
How many do you think I took?!
A few years later, I’d had enough – what and when I ate, ruled my life. I’d created huge barriers around me. It was suffocating.
I signed up for group counselling – ready to treat the cause, not the symptom.
It was the best thing I could possibly have done. Not only could I express my thoughts and feelings but as a group, we gained strength from each other. I discovered that my eating habits were all to do with control. One of my biggest take-aways was simply, ‘eat when you’re hungry’. It was a complete revelation. I learned to check in with myself, “are you hungry? Yes. Great, eat!’
Years on I consider myself to have a healthy relationship with food.
I know I got off lightly, many people suffer for years, living often in fear and shame. It’s a secretive illness.
If you notice someone is struggling with food, unusual habits, eating too little or too much, remember:
- It’s not about the food, it’s about feelings
- It’s not about will-power, it’s an illness
- It’s not about ignoring, it’s about letting the person know that you’re concerned and that you are there for them if they need to talk
- It’s not about impatience, it’s about empathy
- It’s not about your journey, it’s about theirs
- It’s not about fixing, it’s about caring
Oh and that doctor? I met him in 1990, fortunately things have moved on since then.
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